I’ve done quite a reflection of my life in 2019 and I would tell you all the things that I’ve learned as an adult. Maybe that’s what you normally do when a year is coming to an end. I’m a very private person that is why I want to be anonymous as much as I can but I also want to speak to you directly like we’re having a good conversation about things that matter.
If you happen to visit my site, you’ll know that this is a personal blog. I’ve written some articles in the past months when I wasn’t so caught up with things in general … and then LIFE happens. You get so busy sometimes your priorities change. I know you can relate. You might want to visit this link if you’re interested in my writing. Blogs
Well, some of you might know me on a personal level or you might just be a regular or accidental reader. The point is, it feels like a VERY long time since I’ve written. I haven’t gone astray; I just pursued my other passion. So, think of this as a low-key comeback.
For once, I’ll bare my heart and soul to you and allow myself to be vulnerable so I have the courage to tell you the things that I’ve learned the HARD way. I hope you agree with me because this has been the most honest article that I have written so far.
1. Expectations will hurt you.
We all come from different backgrounds, orientations, bloodlines or even race but we do have one thing in common when we desire something and that is, we have so much expectations. When we love someone, we EXPECT that person to love us back, don’t we? We invest in a business, we EXPECT profit. When we don’t feel good, we EXPECT our friends and family to be there and listen. The list goes on. Well, having expectations is not a bad thing. It’s even a good thing because it keeps you motivated and inspired but what I learned is it could also be the source of our pain, unhappiness, disappointments and frustrations… you name it. When the person that you love turned out to be someone that you did not expect, it hurts you BIG TIME. A business turned out to be a scam, it troubles you. When your friends and family won’t be there with you because they are also busy with their own lives, it depresses you.
What can we do about this my loves? Nothing. The only thing that we can do is to SUCK IT ALL UP and lower our expectations so it wouldn’t hurt that much. I know. Easier said than done. But let us continue living. We are bigger than our frustrations and pain.
2. Trust God and the natural flow of the universe.
Let me tell you something my loves. You can’t ever fight the forces of nature no matter how hard you try and no matter what you do. It doesn’t even matter how much you beg for things to go your way. Because if it’s not for you. It will never be yours. It sounds so simple now but when you are in that state of desperation and confusion, it feels like hell. You know what I mean? When you don’t get what you want and you have all these “whys” in your head? When you blame yourself or other people for your situation? These feelings are valid. Don’t let other people tell you otherwise because we are human beings and part of that is, we feel a lot of things. But let us be sure to rise above all these pains. Let us not stay broken.
Acceptance of things that are out of our control could be a way of finding peace. Because we have GOD. Other people may fail us but GOD won’t. Ever. I learned to trust in the natural order of things, of balance and of the universe. After all the universe is created by God and it responds to its Creator. I believe in prayers. Don’t underestimate its power. What is meant for you will always find its way to you —- be it love, happiness or purpose.
3. Never stop learning and improving.
I don’t know about you but the worst feeling for me is getting stuck, being stagnant and be caught up in a routine. Doing the same things every single day bores me to death. You feel me? That is why it’s important for me to discover new things and to be able to do what I love. I learned that a person could already be very good at something but one does not necessarily stop learning and improving because we would never run out of things to learn.
4. True love is elusive and rare.
Here comes the cliche topic of LOVE. Anyway, what are we when we don’t know how to love? God is love and we are created in His image and likeness so it is natural for us to love. Sometimes I’m an incurable hopeless romantic who believes in fairy tales and all that mushy things that would make you cringe. Sometimes, I’m also a realist who would say “Oh no girl, it doesn’t happen that way. This is real life.” But what I learned is that lucky are those who found their true love. I’m not an expert in this area but Jesus, if you already got that kind of love, do not ever let it go. Like I said, it’s elusive and rare. It saddens me that this generation values falseness rather than genuineness. I think that’s what makes love elusive because we are afraid to bare our soul to someone. After all, love is scary. It is absolutely scary and it amazes me that you could find that one person who sees all of you, your madness, your craziness, your complexities and then loves you even more.
To all single ladies and gentlemen out there, don’t give up on love just yet. You know how paradoxically magical it is that when you stop getting its attention, that’s when you’ll have it and when you stop looking for it, that’s when it reveals itself to you. There is still hope. 😊
5. Always show kindness.
I already made an article about kindness. You might want to check it out. For me, a person automatically gets attractive when he/she possesses a kind heart. Here’s the thing, I always want people to be kind but I realized that sometimes, I am the “unkind” one. I think we all know the feeling of wanting to hurt other people because they hurt us first. When I’m angry, it’s so easy for me to say cruel and hurtful words. I have this tendency to lash out on people and snap at their stupidity. Sometimes, I don’t even regret the unkind things I say. My emotions are written all over my face. Looking back, I can’t even count the times I’ve been angry or annoyed. I can’t even remember those cruel words I’ve said. Some of my friends would say, I’m a sassy girl. I think it’s true. (winking) Oh, don’t think that I’m a bad person because generally, I’m not.
As an adult, I learned that the real test of kindness is not when things are good but when things get all messy and you are in a bad state. If you could still be kind despite that, you have all my respect.
6. Do not waste your breath arguing with toxic people.
The greatest thing that I’ve learned this year is to distance myself from toxic people. If a person’s presence or role in your life has ever been that, you better cut him/her off. He/she is not good for your mental health. You matter the most. Do not jeopardize your peace of mind. We have a different way of dealing with them but mine is just simply ignoring them. I’m not even up for confrontations or whatsoever. I’ll simply walk away and ignore their existence. If I see their posts in social medias, I’ll simply unfollow or unfriend them. You don’t owe anyone explanations about the things that you do. You don’t need their approval. What matters are those people who love you and would help you grow.
7. Life always has a way of surprising you.
Well, talk about surprises. I’m not even sure I like them but life really has a way of surprising you. In a split second, everything could just change. One instance, we are this happy and elated but another moment, we could already be crying. I learned that living this life, nothing is really certain. We could constantly hope and maintain a positive outlook but at the back of our minds, we have this nagging feeling of losing control over things. I’d say, we live one day at a time, enjoying every moment. Let’s not be constantly fearful of the future but remain hopeful that one day, everything will just fall into its right place. As I have said, I learned to trust the order of things and the natural flow of the universe.
8. Manage your finances well.
Ever have that plan or resolution of saving money? Guess what, I have and I failed. 😊 How tragic. As a Filipino, I was raised by my family who have a lot of expectations from me. And when you are young and naïve, you struggle to please them but you could only take so much of that. What I learned is you have to take care of yourself. What I mean is you have to be financially independent. You don’t always have to save your family’s sorry asses when they themselves are showing signs of irresponsibility. Do not give them money every time they demand it. You are not an investment nor an ATM. You’ve earned your salary through your sweat and blood. You didn’t pick the money in the streets. Might as well be wise in spending it. Aside from that, it is important to invest and manage your finances well. We have already discussed the uncertainty of the future so we have to be ready of what is to come because the people around you may not be able to help you. You only have yourself so let us all be financially literate.
Living in this fast-paced world, it is a challenge to stay focused. We all live busy lives, interacting in busy streets and offices. Just recently, I surprised myself by finding this meditation app that is really helpful. You could find a lot of these applications in the playstore. I used this app called “urbanyogi”. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.capitalx.blissfully You can download something else as long as it suits you. You should try meditating. My only regret is not doing it soon enough. Meditating frees your mind from worries and releases your anxiety. I do it twice a day if I can. I couldn’t begin to tell you the benefits but I can really tell you it relaxes your soul and it is good for your mental health. Try it!
10. Forgive but never forget.
Hate, anger, and all other negative feelings are burden. They weigh you down, crush your soul, destroy your day and bring out the worst in you. I walked down memory lane, looked back at the montage of my life and I knew that at some point I hold onto those negative emotions. My life in 2019 has been a roller coaster ride with all the graphs of sine and cosine functions. You know what I learned? To let go of those feelings not for the people who hurt me but for my peace of mind. It hasn’t been easy. Trust me. It crossed my mind to hurt them back. I wanted them to experience or even have a glimpse of what they cost me. But I knew that I wouldn’t find peace if I did that. I struggled with forgiveness. I am not a saint but a passionate person and when you are one, you tend to have these extra emotions than most people. But when you forgive, it doesn’t mean you forget what was done to you. It only means you try and live above the pain for your sake. So, I would say, forgive but never forget. It makes you wiser. Do what you have to do. Pursue your passion and live your life in your own terms. Be always beautiful, love. You deserve everything life has to offer.